The Grooming of Aragorn
by Tarnished Silver
Summary: SLASH! Legolas gets Aragorn ready....but may just want him for himself.....also has an mpreg.....a/l
1. Default Chapter

"Nooooooooooooooo!" screamed Aragorn, "Please Legolas, no!" He backed away from the golden haired elf, who was brandishing a most violent weapon. Soap.  
  
"Aragorn, you know it's for your own good. You're asking for Arwen's hand in marriage in two weeks, and you need to behave like royalty, not street scum." Legolas answered patiently. Aragorn, the once great war hero, and King of Gondor, cowered and began to cry.  
  
"But WHY?! It's going to suck all the life out of me. And I only want to get married for presents!" Wailed Aragorn.  
  
"Well if the soap doesn't then Elrond will do the job." Legolas muttered. With much coaxing and an occasional threat or two, the elf finally got Aragorn undressed and washed.  
  
"Uh.Aragon, is that dirt *painted* on?" Legolas asked suspiciously. Aragorn nodded his head sheepishly. Legolas sighed and continued to scrub the grime from Aragorn, having to use several bars of soap, and countless barrels of water. Finally, it seemed the job was done.  
  
"There now, that wasn't so bad was it?" Legolas said as he handed Aragorn some nice new fresh elvish clothes. Aragorn just sniffed, and said,  
  
"Well at least I don't have to take a bath again.right?" Aragon's voice wavered in fear as he saw the elf glaring at him with anger and annoyance.  
  
"Yeah.till tomorrow." Aragorn let out a shriek of anguish and kept trying to think of Arwen, who he was doing this for. Eww.wait, let's not think of Arwen, maybe just the wedding presents. After the marriage, he could go back to his old self.  
  
"Now it's time for your manicure and pedicure." Legolas gushed happily. Aragorn stared at him blankly.  
  
"My what?" Legolas' happy expression faded somewhat.  
  
"A m-a-n-i-c-u-r-e and p-e-d-i-c-u-r-e." Legolas answered testily. "Don't tell me you don't know what that is." Aragorn shook his head and looked down at the floor. Stupid elf was determined in making him into some queer, like Frodo.  
  
"It's for your hands and feet, your nails." At this point Legolas flashed his own well filed and clean fingernails. "I file mine every night." Legolas said proudly, eyeing Aragorn's grime filled nails with unease, as if it were contagious.  
  
"But my nails are fine!" wailed Aragorn.  
  
"Aragon, there are things hibernating in your nails."  
  
"So?" Aragorn asked sulkily. Legolas just sighed again, and dragged the sulky Aragorn to the nearest beauty parlour. "Hi Legolas!" An elf in soft blues and greys approached Legolas and Aragorn, who was squirming in fear and retaliation.  
  
"I take it you'll want your usual, Legolas?" The elf asked, her enthusiasm fading noticeably as she eyed Aragorn warily.  
  
"No thank you, today I'm here for him." Here Legolas pushed Aragorn forward into the stylists chair. He's going to have a manicure, pedicure, and have his hair washed cut and styled." The elf, frozen with images of grooming this *thing*, blinked twice and nodded, motioning for a group of other elves, to join her.  
  
"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!" Legolas smiled as he heard Aragorn's screams, as he saw the elves circling him approaching with scissors, dye, and some type of tin foil.  
  
SIX HOURS LATER  
  
An exhausted group of elves fell to the floor in exhaustion, and Legolas carefully stepped over them to see Aragorn's new look. Legolas gasped in amazement. Aragorn was blonde, and his rugged features had been sharpened, to make him look even more handsome. And, Legolas noted, his nails were much cleaner and well rounded, despite all the torture they had endured.  
  
"My god, Aragorn...you look like Viggo Mortenson." Aragorn blushed and modestly answered,  
  
"Nah- he's much more handsome than me." ***Yeah......right*** Legolas grabbed Aragorn's hand and pulled him out of the chair.  
  
"This is great! Now let's go home and get some sleep, tomorrow is a long day."  
  
"What are we doing tomorrow? Fighting Orcs?" asked Aragorn hopefully.  
  
"No," answered Legolas angrily, " Tomorrow we go shopping!" 


	2. Glorious Shopping

***This chapter came out fast because it's the holidays. I would really like some reviews though. Tell me whether you like the way it's going or not....before it's too late.***  
  
Disclaimer: All this stuff is from Tolkien's head, and writing, I'm just building on it. You don't sue me...I don't sue you..That way we're all happy...  
  
"Are we done yet?" A weary Aragorn slumped against the wall of the 64th elvish boutique, that Legolas had dragged him too. It seemed that Legolas had bought more clothes for himself than for Aragorn. Not that, reflected Aragorn, Legolas had not bought him clothes. Aragorn's arms were full of shopping bags, and Legolas had mercifully decided to have the rest sent back to his temporary room in Rivendale. Legolas now glanced back at Aragorn.  
  
"Almost, just one last store, and then we can go home." Answered Legolas, ignoring Aragorn's groans. They set off for the next shoe store, where Legolas proceeded to try on countless pairs of shoes, and thrusting a pair in Aragorn's face every now and then.  
  
"You like these?" Before giving Aragorn a chance to speak, Legolas turned to the saleself, "Good, he'll take them. Oh and can I have a look at that one too?" It seemed like eternity before he finally got up, and dragged Aragorn back home.  
  
"Wasn't that fun?" Legolas plunked ***yeah yeah I know Legolas doesn't PLUNK.but pretend Ok?***down on the floor and eagerly dug through the shopping bags. Aragorn fell to the floor and began to take deep breathes in order to keep himself from strangling Legolas, not that he had the strength to actually do it.  
  
"Aragon." Uh oh, thought Aragorn....he didn't like Legolas' tone.  
  
"Yes." Aragorn answered meekly.  
  
"I don't remember buying this." The elf said icily, holding up a very dirty, or just very ugly brown tunic, as if it were a rat.  
  
"Yeah, I bought that," Aragorn said enthusiastically, " You were busy looking at belts, so I just said to the saleself to ring that too. It'll look so great in battle, I mean someone has already used it in battle but-" Aragorn stopped seeing the deathly glares he was getting from his friend.  
  
"Let me get this straight," Legolas said slowly, trying to grasp this unknown concept. "You bought *used* clothing?" Aragorn bowed his head, in what could be identified as shame, and nodded his head slowly. Legolas stared at Aragorn for a moment, and then back at the tunic, which had begun to shake, as Legolas' hands were also shaking uncontrollably.  
  
"I have never EVER, even looked at this type of....clothing, and you dared to bring it into my home?" Legolas hissed shooting death rays at Aragorn. Aragorn gulped and offered a wavery smile. Legolas took a deep breath and got up to open the window of his apartment, out of which he promptly threw the tunic.  
  
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" yelled Aragorn. "I liked that." He crossed his arms over his chest and turned away. "You never want me to have any fun." He muttered. Legolas' gaze softened and he thought about how his friend must feel, being new to the whole concept of clean and fresh.  
  
"Aragorn, I'm sorry I overreacted a tad bit." He hesitated seeing Aragorn's look "OK OK, so I overreacted a lot. But you have to understand that I've never seen anyone as, well to put it bluntly my friend, as filthy, ignorant about clothing, and stubborn as you." Aragorn turned towards Legolas.  
  
"I know." Sighed Aragon, "It's hard on both of us." He embraced Legolas gruffly, and Legolas felt an odd surge, now that Aragorn was getting more and more sophisticated, Legolas found himself more and more attracted to his old friend. Shaking this thought from his head, Legolas embraced him back.  
  
"So when do you want to try all of these on again?"  
  
***Yeah, ok for all of you who don't like slash, I'm NOT ASKING YOU TO READ THIS!*** 


	3. Manners Manners

*** Sorry not much action in this chapter...I promise the next one will be MUCH better***  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own Arwen the manwhore, Aragorn, or Legolas (though I wish I did), or even Elrond the bastard.  
"Today, Aragorn, we are going to learn table manners. As we both know, you're table manners are...for loss of a better word..rusty." Aragorn, and Legolas were sitting in Legolas' apartment at a table Legolas had set with all the right utensils.  
  
"But I already learned all this stuff." Aragorn protested. Legolas sighed, and rolled his eyes.  
  
"Yes Aragorn...yes you did, about 15 years ago. Thus my use of the word *rusty*." Aragorn grumbled beneath his voice, something about queers, Frodo, and stupid elves.  
  
"I heard that." Legolas looked sharply at a now very frightened Aragorn. "First of all this is not queer, it's *normal*, got that? Second of all Frodo is no-...ok, second of all I'm not stupid. So shut up and re-learn your table manners in peace."  
  
"This is your basic table setting anywhere in the house of Elrond." Aragorn looked down at the dozens of things that lay before him dazedly remembering a time many years ago, when Elrond had snapped at him for using the wrong fork. Maybe this wasn't such a bad idea.  
  
"What you have to remember is to work your way in, when you're using the forks and spoons." Legolas daintily picked up each fork and spoon, and proceeded to explain what it was for.  
  
THREE HOURS LATER  
  
"I'm very proud of you Aragorn. Pass the bread please." As Aragorn passed Legolas, their hands brushed. Legolas felt a jolt of electricity pass through him. This was strange, it was the second time he had such a feeling when he was near Aragorn. He looked up and saw Aragorn watching him intently, Legolas felt his cheeks burn, and he got up briskly.  
  
"That's enough of that. Time for conversations with Elrond." Legolas said, his voice shaking just enough for Aragorn to notice.  
  
"Ahhhh...do I have to?" Aragorn whined. Legolas spun on his heel and glared at Aragorn, who promptly got up and sat down across from Legolas, primly.  
  
"Ok now let's say I'm Elrond," Legolas paused as Aragorn raised his eyebrows, " OK let's pretend I'm Elrond, except I'm not a stuck up bastard, and I don't have a huge mole on my face." Aragorn nodded solemnly and continued to listen.  
  
"OK, I ask you how you plan on supporting Arwen after marriage." Aragorn looked at Legolas with confusion.  
  
"I'm a king." Legolas looked hard at Aragorn, trying to decipher whether or not he was joking. He wasn't.  
  
"That's not the point."  
  
"That's absolutely the point, I'm a king, I get my money from taxes, and usurping from the locals."  
  
"Ok, so say that, but leave out the usurping. Say that you plan on continuing as King, and that you will see to it that Arwen will feel as home as possible." Aragorn sighed and nodded.  
  
"Ok, so what if I asked you what Arwen will do when you die?"  
  
"That's easy, I'll just live forever." Laughed Aragorn.  
  
"You've been drinking that cheap wine again that I told you to throw out, haven't you?" Legolas accused, pointing his finger at Aragorn.  
  
"NO! I haven't been drinking it, it's in my closet-I mean my the garbage, I swear it's in the garbage." Aragorn pleaded earnestly. Legolas lowered his pointing finger, still suspicious.  
  
"So, what will you do?"  
  
"If what?"  
  
"If I asked you that question, what would you answer?"  
  
"What question?"  
  
"Damn it Aragorn, stop being difficult."  
  
"Then why don't you kiss me?"  
  
"What?" Legolas asked blankly. Aragorn looked disappointed as he sighed,  
  
"Nothing." "No, did you really mean that?"  
  
"I..I guess"  
  
"Are you telling me that you love me, and not that man whore Arwen?"  
  
"Hey, she *is* my fiancé, but that doesn't mean we can't have fun." Aragorn grinned at Legolas.  
  
***Sorry to leave you hanging as to whether they'll ~do it~ or not, but I'm hungry, write more later*** 


	4. What's an elf to do?

***Megami Neko, and sauny, sweeties, I'm sorry...I know you love Legolas..believe me I do too...but he's gonna have to get it on with Aragorn eventually..yes Legolas is confused, and yes Legolas may not end up with Aragorn the playboy...but he has to know why..I'm sorry..sob sob..after you guys gave me such.sniff.sniff.good review, I feel like I'm betraying you..***\  
  
"So what we do now?" Aragon lay in bed with Legolas, holding his slim body tight.  
  
"I dunno." Legolas shrugged, pushing a stray blonde lock away from his eyes. Now that his lust was satisfied, he thought he would feel better. He didn't.  
  
"Let's do it again!" Legolas pushed Aragorn away in disgust, and began to get dressed.  
  
"Is that all you think about Aragorn?" Legolas asked angrily.  
  
"Um, no. This morning I was thinking about cheap wine."  
  
"God, you're disgusting, I can't believe I just gave myself to you, and you're comparing it to that crap you call wine." Here Legolas sat down (only wearing boots) and began to sob. Aragorn looked uneasy, and then got down on his knees, awkwardly patting Legolas' shoulder.  
  
"There there, I'm sorry Legolas. I shouldn't have compared you to wine."  
  
"NO, I'm sorry..it's my fault. I don't know why I got so emotional." Legolas replied tearfully.  
  
"It's ok..ummm..er..*honey*..but you know what would make you feel better?"  
  
"What?" sniffed Legolas.  
  
"If we did it again, this time....get ready for this now..disco style."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"You know, with the lights and everything, hey don't look at me like that. You're the one who was complaining about all my...hair. With the cool lights, you won't even see it, that way I won't have to.*shudder*, wax it, the way you suggested."  
  
"Don't you take a hint Aragorn? Can't you see I'm upset. You know what? This was a mistake. I don't know if I can go along with all this shit. Let's just pretend this never happened. I'll prepare you for Elrond, and you can have your little drag queen Arwen, and have all the.ugh...disconess , that you want." Legolas said, pulling on his leggings.  
  
"How can I forget the most amazing night of my life?" pleaded Aragorn. Legolas stopped stiffly, and turned to Aragorn.  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really."  
  
"But you know, you've been with so many people, Arwen, Eowyn, Halidir, Frodo, Sam, Gollum...you've had it all-"  
  
"No need to bring up my past." Interrupted Aragorn crossly.  
  
"You really like me best?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"But how are we going to tell Arwen?"  
  
***AAAAAAAARGGGHHHHH..I'm having writers block..*maybe* if I got some more reviews....anyway..I hope the next chapter will be better. Thank you for your support so far..Muah* Muah*...buh bye for now*** 


	5. Shudder, It's Arwen

***Ok people, I've been working hard lately...this chapter is better than the last..but I'm sorry to say, it's just a building block to the climax..well read on to see what happens***  
Legolas stood nervously in front of Arwen's door, with his hand ready to knock on the door. What was he going to say? All Aragorn had told him, was to slap her upside the head, for that time she'd cheated on Aragorn. Which wasn't such a bad thing to do, reflected Legolas, remembering all the horrible unfair things that he had endured, because of Arwen. He knocked on the door quickly, before he could change his mind.  
  
"How many times do I have to tell you pathetic pieces of shit that call yourselves elves, that I *abhor* people knocking on my door." Arwen's voice floated out from beneath the door. Legolas tightened his jaw and opened the door.  
  
"Oh it's you." Legolas looked up to see Arwen smirking at him.  
  
"Yes well, I have to talk to you." Legolas said, determined not to beat the hell out of this...this...thing.  
  
"Did you make an appointment?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Did you make an a-p-o-u-y-t-m-e-b-n-t?"  
  
"That's not how you spell appointment."  
  
"Oh so now you're all Mr. Smart Prince? Just tell me what you have to say, and stop wasting my time. I have a wedding to prepare for."  
  
"You know Aragorn hasn't asked Elrond for your hand in marriage yet." Legolas said, hiding a smile.  
  
"Yes but he will-" Suddenly Arwen froze and looked at Legolas, her face contorted in fury, (the way it is most of the time) "What do you know?" then before Legolas had a chance to speak, "Whose the whore that Aragorn is leaving me for? I'll kill her, I'll mutilate her...Oh god..it isn't that little bum is it? What's his name? Frumpy?"  
  
"Frodo, and no, it isn't him."  
  
"So he *is* going to leave me?" Arwen thought about this for a moment, and when she looked up her face was sickly sweet. "Tell me *dear* cousin...who is it?" she purred.  
  
Legolas turned away revolted by the sight of Arwen trying to be nice.  
  
"Well, I was going to warn you, but know that you've figured it out....well all I can say is that ever since Aragorn has been bathing, and wearing clean clothes. Well acting normal anyway...well he's been quite the charmer. The ladies have been just eating him up." Which was, thought Legolas, partly true, Aragorn had been looking better.a LOT better. Certainly appetizing.  
  
"You mean to tell me that Aragorn took a bath?"  
  
"Yep, he even dyed his hair. Blonde."  
  
"Blonde? This is horrible, how can I lose him now that he's finally become clean?"  
  
"Well you don't have to lose him, he's still going to ask for your hand in marriage. You'll just have to compete with a LOT of other women."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Well when Aragorn has SO many women after him.well even though I er....love you as a cousin..you're chances are slim. He'll be having affairs in front of your very nose. But."  
  
"But what?" asked Arwen eagerly clawing at Legolas' tunic.  
  
"But get the hell off of me!" yelled Legolas in disgust of having to be so close to her.  
  
"Sorry, so tell me."  
  
"But if you could make yourself more..gulp..desirable..somehow."  
  
"Well, that's stupid, I'm already desirable." Here Legolas doubled over in laughter, and was promptly dragged out by an angry Arwen who slammed the door in his face. Legolas got up and brushed the dust off his tunic. This was going to be fun.  
  
***WHO WANTS TO SEE ARWEN DESIRABLE??!!! Not me that's for sure, well my muses are getting frustrated so I'll probably have the next chapter up quickly...*glares at muses* Aragorn has a bunion, Legolas' hair won't shine enough, and Arwen wants Spring Water not TAP WATER! Well... write more later dearies, and don't forget to review..I'm fuelled on reviews.cackle cackle..*** 


	6. What's That, A Plan?

***I can't believe I'm already at the sixth chapter, well not too many left. I've been doing a chapter a day. Hmmmm, maybe I should take some time off..well anyways, enjoy the chapter folks.***  
  
"What did you tell her?" Aragorn ran eagerly towards Legolas, as he entered the front door.  
  
"Not much," shrugged Legolas, "I told her you were getting it on with another elf."  
  
"WHAT?! She'll be here with an axe, trying to chop us both up." Aragorn yelped, cowering behind a sofa, and shifting his eyes suspiciously every so often.  
  
"That's why I carry this." Legolas gestured to the bow and arrows on his back. Aragorn cautiously got up from his place behind the sofa.  
  
"I know, it's sort of weird you even wear it when we-"  
  
"Anyway," Legolas interrupted loudly, "I'm going to mess around with her mind a little, before we tell Elrond that we're together."  
  
"I don't know, she doesn't have much of a mind anyway, and don't you think Elrond will be upset?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Nah, you don't know Elrond too well do you? He's been looking to get rid of her ever since she learned to talk, or rather *bitch* at him. Hmmmm, maybe he will be upset, after all you were his way of getting rid of her." Legolas fell on the sofa and began to twirl a stray lock of hair absentmindedly. Aragorn beamed at him adoringly, before jumping onto him.  
  
"Aaargh! What are you doing Aragorn? We have to think of a valid reason for you to break up with Arwen." Legolas said pushing Aragorn away.  
  
"That's easy, one she's a bitch, two she's a drag queen, three she's manipulating, four she's a whore, five-"  
  
"No, it has to be something that's just happened recently. I mean she was already all those things, before you fell in love with her."  
  
"Love, Arwen?" Aragorn fell on his knees and began to retch.  
  
"Wait, I have it. This is perfect. I know how we can get rid of Arwen, not only from our lives, but from Rivendale too!" Legolas said. Aragorn took this opportunity to jump back into Legolas' lap.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
***Damn it, I have horrible allergies..I've been sneezing all day. Sorry this chapter is so short, I don't feel up to making a bigger one. As always R&R!*** 


	7. The Author Emerges

JUST A NOTE FROM THE AUTHOR  
  
Sauny honey, thank you for supporting, and thanks even more for your suggestion. I didn't know you knew what was going to happen....lol, I'm just joking. I know what Legolas is going to say, but I still have to think up the second last chapter which is "Arwen's Revenge", hmm..wonder what that's about. Anyway, before I say what *I* want Legolas to do to Arwen, you guys tell me what YOU want to happen. It'll help the story and seeing as I have so little energy due to these damn allergies, you'll be helping me. Thank you for reading....See you guys...err..read you guys later!  
  
Sim 


	8. An Escape, but will it work?

***Sorry if this chapter took a little longer but my muses..*stops to glare at muses* have been rather difficult...Aragorn has this unnatural fear Arwen will rape him...don't worry...I'll try to keep him from talking about it in the story...but there's no way to tell for certain..well enjoy***  
"Remind me why I'm here." Aragorn asked Legolas for what seemed to be the hundredth time.  
  
"Because you don't want to end up with Arwen, or do you?"  
  
"NO!" Aragorn screamed at hearing her name and the implied marriage. He hid behind Legolas, pushing himself as close to the elf's fantastically trim rear end as he could.  
  
"OK, then listen to me very carefully." They were standing in front of Elrond's room, reviewing the plan.  
  
"Do you understand Aragorn?" Legolas asked, still not sure of how much Aragorn could comprehend at one time.  
  
"Yeah, but why can't you tell Elrond? What if- what if *she's* there?" Aragorn whispered.  
  
"You're the one who is trying to get away from her, and don't worry, she's out of town visiting Halidir." Legolas answered patiently, removing Aragorn's hand from his bottom. Aragorn's eyes narrowed at Halidir's name.  
  
"That whore, she's probably trying to get one more fling with him before we- ahhhhh-I can't say it. I remember when she used to be bearable, and she cheated on me. Bitch."  
  
"Shhh.we're going in." Legolas pushed Aragorn into the room, where he froze at the sight of Elrond wearing nothing but a sash around him.  
  
"Hello Aragorn." Elrond said darkly. He saw Legolas and Aragorn staring at him, and he glanced down.  
  
"Just practising for the annual elf awards." He said nonchalantly. Legolas grimaced, forever scarred by the image of Elrond bare. He pushed a whimpering, and very much frightened Aragorn behind him, to shield him from the view.  
  
All of a sudden Aragorn screamed, "SHE'S GONNA RAPE ME!". Legolas glared at Aragorn and yelled  
  
"You promised!"  
  
"Sorry." Muttered Aragorn. Legolas sighed, and turned back to face Elrond rather reluctantly, as the elf had begun to jog on the spot..swinging everything..and I mean EVERYTHING!  
  
"Elrond, I'm here to talk about Arwen." Legolas said solemnly. Elrond's face brightened and he peeked behind Legolas' back at Aragorn, who gave a scared shriek.  
  
"Oh, he's come to ask for her hand in marriage. Well she's well endowed, I don't know if I can let go of her that....erm...easily." Elrond said weakly. Legolas rolled his eyes, and heard Aragorn stifle a laugh.  
  
"Well, that was the *original* plan, but there have been some well....there has been some new information. It seems that Arwen has been unfaithful to Aragorn....again." Legolas said nastily.  
  
"But..but...what do you mean? I've had her practically locked in her room, believe me it isn't easy to keep her from getting in every creature's pants. YOU HAVE TO TAKE HER!" Elrond said desperately, giving up the façade, of Arwen being precious to him in even the slightest way.  
  
"Yes, will Aragorn was willing to until-"  
  
"I was?" Aragorn asked dazedly.  
  
"Yes, now shut up, and look good." Legolas hissed at him through clenched teeth.  
  
"OK." Shrugged Aragorn disappointedly. Everyone thought he had as much brains as a lawn ornament. Aragorn pondered over this for a moment and began to weep.  
  
"Nobody loves me anymore..." sobbed Aragorn. Legolas felt his heart go out to Aragorn and he patted his shoulder.  
  
"There there, I still l-erm..I mean I still like you....strictly in a friend way." Legolas added hastily seeing Elrond's curious look. Aragorn calmed down considerably and began to amuse himself with Legolas' toes.  
  
"I got to put it bluntly Elrond, I feel for you and all, but there's no way Aragorn can take care of another man..er...elf's child."  
  
"WHAT?!" yelled Elrond and Aragorn simultaneously.  
  
"That's right, Arwen's pregnant. With Halidir's baby."  
  
***Whoa! Where did that come from......well this chapter is pretty much the climax...only a few more chapter's to go...then I'll be free to write another fanfic.. I've been spending ALL my spare time on this one. Well as always...R&R ppl...and don't forget to write nice long reviews...lol..buh bye...*** 


	9. Skip it if you wantjust a disclaimer

ARRGHHH!!!! Sorry this is a BIG interruption to the story but I totally forgot before, so it's important that I have this in here. OK.here it is  
  
DISCLAIMER: I own nothing, none of this, nada, zero, zilch, and you get the point now..right? OK, yeah I would like to own Legolas, very much...in fact if I did own him, I'd bring him into a room, lock the door behind me and...well I'm getting ahead of myself here so let's just finish this disclaimer shall we? I don't own Aragorn either, though I wouldn't mind owning him.....ummmm..oh yeah...I don't own Arwen..eww...who would want to? I don't own Frodo (but I DO own Elijah Wood..lol..i wish..wait no I don't), I don't own Gollum, even though he's so cute...in a nasty swampy kind of way. I don't own Eowyn....whom I hate more than Arwen, and may make this known in an upcoming chapter. Erm....I don't own Halidir...and I don't envy whoever does. I don't own anyone that Aragorn has slept with...and that's one LONG list. All in all I own no one. All I own are what these characters do in the story. That's mine...MINE! So don't steal it, or I'll have to sue. Or better yet just sic Arwen on you...hehehe.well this is dragging on tooooo long...bye bye guyz! See you in the next chapter. 


	10. A baby and a Arwen?

***This chapter is sort of short...but sweet...and it came out unusually fast...so props to me! The all powerful author.. My muses *smiles serenely at muses* have been rather patient..and lenient..Aragorn's nightmare of rape is over...or is it? Lol well whatever..hope you like the new chapter***  
"What do you mean she's pregnant?" yelled Elrond furiously. He hadn't lied when he said he'd locked her in her room. The only time he let her out was when she was particularly obnoxious, which was often..but only under the supervision of another elf.  
  
"I mean...she's pregnant, with child, mother to-be, has a bun in her oven-"  
  
"A pizza in the potato pan." Aragorn piped in. Legolas and Elrond stopped to stare at him for a moment, before shaking their heads and turning back to the matter at hand.  
  
"But who told you?" Elrond asked, scratching himself in areas better left unsaid.  
  
"It came from the wicked witch herself. I saw her yesterday, and one look was enough to tell me, my servant's daughter was a midwife you know. She used to tell me everything, ugh....I remember those nightmares." Legolas shuddered.  
  
"But then what should I do?" Elrond whined loudly. Legolas grinned broadly and refrained from looking down at Aragorn who was nibbling at his baby toe.  
  
"That's simple, she's got to marry Halidir."  
  
"Hmmm, that's not such a bad idea. It'll get her off my hands-erm, I mean it'll broaden her horizons, and she'll live far away. FAR FAR away." Elrond said, and then proceeded to dance a little jig. Legolas turned away in disgust, it seemed Elrond had moles in other areas beside his face.  
  
"Then it's settled, I'll see you at the wedding. Come on Aragorn let's go." Aragorn looked up and beamed at Legolas, but then turned his head, and saw Elrond, which caused him to scream in anguish. Legolas dragged a screaming Aragorn out of the room, trying to hush him.  
  
They were at home, and Aragorn's head was placed in Legolas' lap. Legolas stroked Aragorn's hair, and noticed that his hand came away covered with grease.  
  
"Aragorn." Aragorn looked up hesitantly, frightened of the tone of his lover's voice.  
  
"Have you been using the shampoo I gave you?" Legolas said, keeping his voice even.  
  
"Ummm, about that. Errrr..."  
  
"Have you been bathing at all?" Legolas asked suspiciously.  
  
"Well, we've been so busy, and all. I just didn't have time. Ahhhhh!" Aragorn yelled, falling to the floor, as Legolas had pushed him out of his lap.  
  
"Go. Go now, before I stab you with an arrow. And don't forget to use the shampoo."  
  
"BUT WHY?!" Aragorn shrieked unhappily.  
  
"Because."  
  
"Because what?" Aragorn asked sulkily, moping in the corner of the room.  
  
"Because if you do, then maybe....just maybe, I might join you in the shower." Legolas laughed as he saw Aragorn run into the shower, and begin to strip. This was one promise he would keep.  
  
***It seems like it's over...doesn't it? But Arwen isn't pregnant is she? Hmm...who knows? I'll be out with the next chapter sometime tomorrow....well byeeeeeeeee R&R*** 


	11. Hugs Kisses and Discostyles

***WARNING! If you don't like slash....well you should have stopped reading a long time ago. And if you feel like you don't want to see even the most remotely romantic scene and you hate elvish words, and you don't want to see Legolas and Aragorn say I love you....then....SCREW YOU...no one cares....go cry to mommy...cause I don't give a damn....everybody else...*enjoy*...byeeeeee***  
  
"Aragorn?"  
  
"Yeah..."  
  
"Can I ask you a question?"  
  
"Of course mela." Legolas was snuggled in Aragorn's arms, and they were both exhausted. I mean 14 hours of continuous......well you know- can make you tired.  
  
"Why did you agree to marry Arwen in the first place?" Legolas asked his voice quivering just a bit. Aragorn debated answering the question, but he had never seen Legolas so vulnerable, and it tore him up inside.  
  
"You want the truth meleth?" Aragorn looked down at Legolas who nodded, with his eyes shut tightly.  
  
"I really loved her," Aragorn paused feeling Legolas' body tighten beneath him. "I love you too," he added hastily, "but I don't know, she used to be nice. I know she's horrible now, but I was stupid, I thought I could change her. I thought it would be alright. I-"  
  
"You married her so you could bump off Elrond and control Rivendale didn't you?" Legolas asked. Aragorn looked at him, his face filled with shock, and nodded speechlessly.  
  
"You know, for some sick reason, I can understand why you did that. Well, regardless, I love you. You know that don't you Aragorn?"  
  
"Yes I do."  
  
"You want to do it disco style now?" Legolas asked wryly. Aragorn looked down at Legolas with wide adoring eyes.  
  
"Really."  
  
"Well, if it'll make you happy, then whatever." Shrugged Legolas. Aragorn stared at Legolas for a moment before jumping out of bed.  
  
"I'll be right back I'm going to go get the lights. This is going to be GREAT! You won't regret this meleth I promise." Then just as he was rushing out the door, Aragorn poked his head in the doorway.  
  
"Legolas."  
  
"Yes Aragorn."  
  
"Im mela lîn." "I love you too Aragorn."  
  
***MUSHY!!!!!!!! Well, that's enough of that....Arwen will be back soon...hehehe.....I wonder how she'll feel about this....and just for the record I own none of this. NONE OF IT.....except for maybe Orlando Bloom...but we wanna keep that quiet*** 


	12. Whaddya mean pregnant?

***Well well well....Arwen is BACK! *shudder* god I hate her......hope you like this chapter.***  
  
"HE SAID WHAT?!" Arwen screeched at her father, who winced but held his ground.  
  
"He said you're pregnant Arwen." Elrond said, quivering as he saw Arwen's face rise in fury.  
  
"WHO TOLD HIM?!" she screamed, waving a fist in the air, and barely missing a shocked Elrond's head.  
  
"Then it's true, but how?" Elrond gasped. Arwen smirked and turned away.  
  
"I have my ways."  
  
"Please Arwen, you have to marry Halidir." Elrond pleaded. Arwen spun on her heel.  
  
"But I don't want to! I wanna marry Aragorn. He promised me lots of new shiny things, wait...no...that was Gandalf."  
  
"You even did Gandalf?" Elrond asked, very much aroused by the idea.  
  
"Yes, as a matter of fact he was quite....virile."  
  
"Really? I mean Arwen I'm your father and for the first time in your life you are going to do what I say. You are marrying Halidir tomorrow."  
  
"TOMORROW?! Have you even asked him?" Arwen shrieked. Elrond grimaced remembering the conversation with a very angry and frustrated Halidir, who had finally agreed on terms that Arwen be locked in a separate wing. Elrond felt no reason to tell Arwen of these conditions. Elrond thought it would be prudent to leave the room now, as Arwen had begun to claw out his eyes. He fled from the room, leaving a seething Arwen behind.  
  
"I am going to get that elf....stupid slut...take *my* man will ya? I'll teach you a lesson or my name is Eowyn...wait Arwen. I wonder who did this.....wait didn't Legolas say he knew. Little cousin is going to get a visit tomorrow." Arwen begun to laugh maliciously.  
  
"MUAHAHAHAHA" she shrieked. And thus began Arwen's revenge.  
  
***I wonder what the next chapter will be....unfortunately it won't be the second last chapter as planned. I still want to know how to end it....happily or unhappily...well see ya l8r guyz.....don't forget to review..*** 


	13. Desire and Chilli

***Sorry it took awhile for this one chapter...I dunno...I've been busy..math assessments..bio...so on and so forth....well I won't divert your attention from the matter at hand***  
  
Knock Knock.  
  
Legolas looked up from the kitchen were he was rather reluctantly making his famous chilli, and lembas. It wasn't that he didn't like cooking; it's just that this chilli gave Aragorn rather strong....gas. Last time Legolas had to flee from the house, to find a sanctuary, where Aragorn couldn't be smelt.  
  
"Who is it?" he called, as he wiped his hands on his apron, and walked towards the door. He liked this apron with its silk and delicate edges. Aragorn had liked it too, in fact last night, he had even put it on when they were....ok let's not get ahead of ourselves shall we?  
  
"It's me." Legolas froze and heard a loud shriek from the living room where Aragorn had been waiting for the chilli. He knew that metallic, cold, ordering voice, it was *her*. Legolas stood there for a moment thinking for a moment before dashing to the living room, ignoring the pounding on the door. He found Aragorn crouched behind the drapes, shivering with fear.  
  
"Ok estal, get up....please Aragorn..come on.." coaxed Legolas softly, "She'll see you otherwise." This got Aragorn's attention and he listened carefully to Legolas.  
  
"OK, get out the window in our bedroom fast. Go far away, hmmmm..where won't Arwen find you? Go into a library, or better yet, anywhere you have to wear clothes to be let in. GO!" pushed Legolas. He watched Aragorn run to the back bedroom, and scramble out the window. Legolas ran to the door, which was on the verge of breaking, due to the amount of pounding it was suffering. He opened it quickly and found a very disgruntled Arwen, standing outside the door, wearing nothing but a transparent robe.  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" screamed Legolas in horror, thanking God, he had made Aragorn leave.  
  
"What? I thought you told me to be more desirable, make up your mind cousin." Snapped Arwen angrily.  
  
"I said desirable.....d-e-s-i-r-a-b-l-e.....not scare him to death. What do you want to scare Halidir to death?" gasped Legolas.  
  
"Halidir? I'm talking about Aragorn." Stomped Arwen, causing her robe to flow open and horrify Legolas further.  
  
"Wait here." Yelled Legolas over his shoulder as he ran to his room, to get a large sheet, which he wrapped around Arwen. "OK OK...I'm all desirable, now where is he? Elrond told me he was staying with you." Demanded Arwen. Legolas took a deep breath and turned to her.  
  
"You're getting married you know Arwen. This is serious, you're pregnant with Halidir's child, you can't expect Aragorn to take care of his child." Legolas reasoned.  
  
"Yeah well I'm not asking to marry Aragorn am I now?" asked Arwen angrily. Legolas gaped at her.  
  
"You're not?"  
  
"NO, I just wanna get my revenge on the bitch that stole him from me." Legolas gulped and gingerly took hold of her shoulders pushing her out the door.  
  
"They'll be at your wedding together. Get your revenge there." And he promptly slammed the door in her face.  
  
***Well, ummmmmmmm the wedding is the next chapter and there are two more chapters..I think...I hope. Well anyways, I already know what's going to happen so HA HA! OK.....now I'm going crazy so all I'm going to say is that if you really aren't into slash DO NOT READ THE LAST CHAPTER!!!!!!!! IT TAKES SLASH TO A WHOLE NEW LEVEL! Well not really, but it is sort of hard for some ppl to accept...I'm trying not to spoil the last chapter....but I don't wanna upset anyone..*** 


	14. A Tragic Affair

***I wasn't sure what to call this chapter...I hope the titles not too weird or cheesy..well anyways hope you guys like this chapter..if you do...REVIEW!***  
  
DISCLAIMER: Oh I would LOVE to own beautiful Legolas, I wouldn't even mind owning Aragorn.....but I don't so don't sue me...please....  
  
"Why did we have to come?" whined Aragorn, scratching his arm sulkily.  
  
"Because we have to show that we care." Legolas answered moodily, he had been having awful mood swings lately. Not to mention strange cravings, last night he had forced a disgruntled and sleepy Aragorn into the kitchen to fetch him leftover chilli and ice cream, with potato chips crumbled on top.  
  
"But we don't." insisted Aragorn. Legolas took a deep breath and tried to reason with his poor simple-minded lover.  
  
"Yes we do care mela, Arwen is leaving, and I'm family so I have to be here and if I have to suffer- I mean, if I have to be here so do you. Got it?" asked Legolas. Aragorn nodded silently, he didn't want to start another mood swing like last night, which resulted in Legolas' strange cravings, and Aragorn having to get up in the middle of the night.  
  
"Oh look here she comes." Legolas said, and hid a smile as Aragorn yelped and hid behind Legolas, holding on tightly to his ankles. Legolas had spent four hours this morning getting Aragorn ready, and it had worked miracles. Aragorn looked gorgeous in satin elf clothes, and fetching shoes.  
  
"Estal, what was the point of getting you ready if you're just going to hide behind me? She's going to find out eventually you know." Legolas said, attempting to soothe him. Aragorn just clutched Legolas' ankles tighter and whispered,  
  
"But I'd like her to find out when she's not within a metre of me." Legolas just sighed, and hauled a resisting Aragorn to his feet, and continued watching Arwen. She looked almost human, with her face covered behind a long and thick veil. Legolas heard Aragorn giggle, and turned to him with a curious expression.  
  
"What's so funny mela?"  
  
"Look up there." Aragorn said still giggling, now pointing to Halidir standing at the front of the chapel. Legolas laughed, Halidir was visibly shaking, and had a look of dread on his face as tears streamed down his face. Suddenly Legolas heard a piercing scream, and he dazedly wondered for a second who Arwen was murdering. He turned and saw Arwen staring at him.  
  
"HOW COULD YOU!" she screamed shrilly, causing the few guests attending to cover their ears in pain, "You nasty gay.....elf!" she spit. Legolas smirked and walked towards her.  
  
"Have a nice wedding Arwen." He whispered in her ear. "Come on Aragorn let's go home." Aragorn nodded and dashed out the door, without giving Arwen a second glance.  
  
"What do you mean you're leaving...you...you can't....how how...oh dammit!" she sputtered. Legolas just smiled and walked out the door.  
  
*Back at home*  
  
"Aragorn sweety, do me a favour?" Legolas asked, shaking a sleepy Aragorn awake.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Make me a BLT sandwich."  
  
"WHAT?!"  
  
"Please."  
  
"Legolas, it's 1 in the morning. That's disgusting, how can you eat that so early in the morning?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Fine, be that way, if that's the way you feel maybe we shouldn't even be together. I didn't know you were that unwilling to help me, you know I would have made you a sandwich if you wanted one." Legolas answered, and turned to his side, where he began to sob uncontrollably. Aragorn raised his eyes to the ceiling and said a little prayer. Legolas' mood swings were only getting worse.  
  
"There there honey. I'm sorry, I'll make your sandwich." Aragorn patted Legolas' shoulder comfortingly and grimaced as Legolas blew his nose on Aragorn's tunic.  
  
"Thank you, I'm sorry I got so emotional. I don't know what's wrong with me." Legolas said through tears.  
  
"Well we're going to find out. Tomorrow, we're going to go see Elrond and find out what is wrong with you." Aragorn said determinedly.  
  
"Ok, ummm Aragorn?"  
  
"Yes."  
  
"Can you go get me my sandwich now?"  
  
***Legolas Legolas Legolas...when will you learn? Well, whatever....only two more chapters left. Then I start a new Legolas/Aragorn fan fic...and I wouldn't mind some more reviews you know....byeeeee*** 


	15. A Death and an Upcoming Birth

***This chapter takes you a little far back, I would say about four months after the wedding....just so you know.***  
  
"Why did we have to come?" Aragorn asked his husband sulkily.  
  
"Because." ***This looks familiar eh***  
  
"Because what?" asked Aragorn whining most unbecomingly.  
  
"Because we have to show appreciation that Arwen is dead." Legolas answered testily. He was in his sixth month of pregnancy, and was not in the mood for stupid questions.  
  
"Oh." Aragorn answered, now very much frightened by the stony glares he was receiving from his love.  
  
"Now come on or we'll be late for the service." Legolas said, trying to walk as fast as he could, while his belly was the size of a basketball. Unusually, the rest of him was fantastically fit and trim. Aragorn followed the waddling Legolas into the same chapel Arwen had gotten married at, snickering at Legolas all the way. Legolas paused and turned,  
  
"Are you laughing at *me*?" he asked icily.  
  
"Ummm..no." Aragorn asked, feeling even more afraid for his life then he had in the worst of battles.  
  
"Because it seems like you're laughing at me, and if you have the *audacity*, to laugh at the moth- father of your child, well then I have NOTHING to say to you." Said Legolas, taking deep breaths to keep from crying. Aragorn embraced Legolas quickly and said,  
  
"I know, I wasn't laughing at you meleth, I was laughing at something else. I'm sorry if I hurt your feelings, I know how sensitive you are right now." Legolas stiffened against Aragorn and pushed him away.  
  
"What do you mean sensitive?" he asked accusingly. Aragorn sighed and pulled Legolas back towards the chapel.  
  
"Come on Legolas, we'll be late." Legolas sniffed and nodded, following Aragorn into the chapel, quietly.  
  
"We are here to...erm....mourn the death of Arwen Evenstar, who died while trying to strangle her husband." A very elated Gandalf was giving the service, and it seemed that any moment now he would break out in a jig. Next to him stood Elrond and Halidir, both of whom hadn't bothered to show grief. They were dressed in drag style, and were making out quite aggressively.  
  
"Now will everybody stand back as we burn the body, to make sure there is no way she can ever come back and do more harm...erm....I mean good." Gandalf said while throwing gasoline over the casket. He lit a match, and torched the coffin, laughing ecstatically, while doing so. Everybody in the chapel, got up and began to clap and cheer, especially Aragorn who throw a picture of Arwen into the fire, and began to dance around the fire. Legolas sighed and rolled his eyes. Why did he always have to knock sense into him? He slowly got to his feet, with the aid of two other elves, and smacked Aragorn on the back of his head.  
  
"OW! What was that for?" asked Aragorn angrily.  
  
"Because you're being stupid, when you should take me home, and rub my feet." Legolas ordered. Aragorn hung his head low and nodded disappointedly. Legolas suddenly felt a surge of pity for his husband, and whispered,  
  
"If we get there soon, maybe we can make a fire of our own." Aragorn's eyes lit up, and he picked a very shocked Legolas up into his arms, and ran home.  
  
***You may think this is the end.....BUT IT"S NOT! Still more to come so tune in...and don't forget to review.*** 


	16. It's A

***BABY"S GALORE! Enjoy the chapter ppl, and Aminder if you FINALLY got around to reading this, I know you'll like the next chapter...hehehe..***  
  
"Aragorn."  
  
"Aragorn!"  
  
"ARAGORN!"  
  
"What? What? I'm awake, who needs slaying? Huh? Oh it's just you Legolas." A tired Aragorn rubbed the sleep from his eyes and turned to Legolas who was writhing in pain.  
  
"Damn you to hell Aragorn!" Legolas screamed. Aragorn flinched and gingerly placed his hand on Legolas' shoulder, which Legolas promptly grabbed and squeezed as another contraction passed.  
  
"Wha-Oh my god, are you having the baby?" Aragorn asked, with dread and fear dripping from his voice.  
  
"Nah do you think?" Legolas asked sarcastically. "Now help me up and let's get to Elrond's house."  
  
"Why? OW!" Aragorn yelled as Legolas threw his quiver at him. "Ok Ok, let's go."  
  
AT ELROND'S HOUSE  
  
"AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Aragorn winced as he heard Legolas let loose another killer scream. And he had thought the mood swings, unexpected gas, and midnight cravings had been bad.  
  
"ARAGORN GET YOUR PATHETIC IMPREGNATING ASS OVER HERE!" Aragorn sighed and prepared himself for another lashing out of words, and beating with shoes, or anything else Legolas could find to throw at him.  
  
"What is it mela?"  
  
"Don't you mela me!" Legolas snapped, "Don't you want to see Elrond take out the baby?"  
  
"Er....of course ummm Legolas?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Where's the baby coming out from?"  
  
"You idiot, where do you think from.....wait.....Elrond where *is* the baby coming out from?" Elrond turned around at stared at Legolas.  
  
"I'm going to cut your stomach open and take the baby out." Legolas gulped and nodded, now very afraid. Elrond advanced towards Legolas with a large knife and performed the incision, and pulled out a very healthy baby.  
  
"Is it a girl or a boy?" Aragorn asked eagerly.  
  
"It doesn't matter. We'll love it either way, right Aragorn?" Legolas said smiling serenely at his beautiful baby.  
  
"It's a-  
  
***Well hehehe...YOU tell me what it should be...and no he/she's OK? Only one more chapter and I'm FINALLY finished. R&R people, and the last chapter will come out faster....yes that is blackmail.....MUAHAHAHAH!*** 


	17. Babies and Mushiness

*** I know I know, this was supposed to be the last chapter..but due to new developments, this will be the second last chapter. So you better review and tell me what you want to happen in the last chapter, because it's up to you guys now***  
  
"Mela?"  
  
"Mmmm.?" A sleep deprived Aragorn raised his head and saw his lover, husband, and now fellow parent, holding his baby daughter.  
  
"You want to hold her?" Aragorn stared at the baby for a moment, scared out of his wits at the very thought of holding that baby, but even more scared of angering Legolas.  
  
"Yes." He held out his arms, and held the tiny being in his arms, frightened that he may crush her little body.  
  
"Aragorn...I'm sorry about being such a well...to be blunt.....such a horror. I really love you, and there's no one else I can think of that I would rather have this beautiful baby with." Legolas said, his eyes downcast. Aragorn watched him, and felt his heart soften for the blonde haired beauty, who seemed so repenting.  
  
"I forgive you meleth, and I love you too. By the way have you thought of a name?" Aragorn whispered, determined not to wake up the sleeping elf child. Legolas pondered over this a moment, (looking absolutely adorable!),  
  
"I don't know, I can't think of anything. What about you?"  
  
"How about Shea?" (Irish for fairy place...yeah I know it should be elvish....but wait!)  
  
"Ummmm....how about no! I didn't carry this child for 9 months just to name it some raggedy ass name like Shea." Legolas said haughtily.  
  
"Shea was my dead sister's name." Aragorn glowered. Legolas gave a little peep and flushed.  
  
"And it's a very nice name indeed. It's just not fit for *our* daughter....I mean she's different. Right?" Legolas said quickly. Aragorn nodded and looked down at his daughter.  
  
"So what should we name her?"  
  
*** What do YOU think? Elvish names plz....and lack of names will result in my naming her myself..I have a few names in mind already....but I really want to know what you think so hurry it up and tell me...next chapter is the last chapter FOR SURE!*** 


	18. What's in a name?

"Istil?" Aragorn asked wearily, as he, Elrond, and a very irritated Gandalf sat and thought up names for the baby. All of which Legolas continually rejected, for reasons beyond his other three friends.  
  
"No. It's too...I don't know, silver light isn't the right name for our daughter." Legolas answered distractedly.  
  
"But her hair is silver, and so are her eyes!" Aragorn protested. Legolas simply shrugged, and gestured for him to come up with more names.  
  
"Melda." This time Gandalf spoke, from his corner where he had been eyeing Elrond for quite a while now. He found the mole rather, unique. And Gandalf *liked* to try new and unique things.  
  
"Melda? That's weird...I don't know it's not very delicate. She needs to be elf like, not like a dwarf." Legolas said. Gandalf sighed and continued staring at Elrond who was very aware of the looks he was getting, and kept flipping his hair back, and thrusting his hips forward, much to the delight of Gandalf, disgust of Legolas, and Aragorn's horror.  
  
"What about Arwen number two?" Elrond asked dreamily twirling a lock of hair between his fingers. Legolas stared at him, and Aragorn shrieked and cowered under the bed in fear.  
  
"Now look what you've done." Legolas snapped at Elrond, "My husband's under the bed afraid of his dead ex-girlfriend, and my baby is STILL nameless." He reached under the bed, and stroked Aragorn's head, coaxing him softly to come out. Elrond and Gandalf began to neck as Aragorn hesitantly came out from beneath the bed. At seeing them at it aggressively, he shrieked again, ducking to return under the bed, but was prevented by a very angry Legolas, who dragged him back up.  
  
"Not in front of the baby." Hissed Legolas to Elrond and Gandalf. They looked up sheepishly, and continued thinking of names.  
  
"How about Alasse?" Aragorn looked up as he heard Legolas voice his first suggestion of the night. He liked the name Alasse.  
  
"I like it, what about you?" he asked Elrond and a very frustrated Gandalf, who looked longingly at Elrond, and nodded quickly. Anything to get out of here, and get it on with Elrond. Legolas looked at Aragorn and shrugged. It looked like they might *MIGHT* have a winner.  
  
***OK...*might* have a winner....I wouldn't have to add ANOTHER chapter..if you ppl just gave me some more names. PLZ PLZ THE BABY NEEDS A NAME! And I need to finish this story...so give her a name or it remains Alasse courtesy of Lady Lena.*** 


	19. A Happy Family

***Last one ppl....I hope you like the name***  
  
"Legolas!", Legolas turned around to see Aragorn gesturing madly at him to come towards him. Legolas had barely taken a step when Aragorn yelled,  
  
"NO! Without the baby." Legolas gave Aragorn a quizzical look, but put his daughter down lovingly, and walked back to Aragorn.  
  
"You know she does have a name Aragorn."  
  
"Really? What is it?" Legolas gave Aragorn a stony stare and coldly answered  
  
"Alasse Thréthiel Greenleaf."  
  
"Hey why did she get your last name?" Aragorn asked insulted. Legolas smirked and gave him a sidelong glance.  
  
"Because it fits nicer. Now are you going to tell me what you wanted or not? I have to take Alasse shopping." Legolas said impatiently. Aragorn gaped at him.  
  
"Meleth, she's only 9 months old."  
  
"I know I know, I should have started earlier, but I just didn't have enough time to take her with me." Aragorn shook his head in amazement, and then shrugged. It was these little quirks that he loved most about Legolas.  
  
"OK. I just wanted to ask you something."  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"How is it that you got pregnant? And where is Arwen's baby?" Aragorn asked, curiosity dripping from his voice. Legolas sighed, and turned towards Aragorn.  
  
"Why must you waste my time with these frivolous questions Aragorn? I got pregnant because of you. As for Arwen's baby, there was no baby....she wasn't even pregnant. It turns out that she wasn't sure at the time, but decided that if I knew then she probably was pregnant. So there is no baby."  
  
"Really?"  
  
"Really. Now let's go, or Alasse will fall asleep again before we have time to look at shoes." Aragorn nodded, and went to grab a baby bag, the size of a large Orc. Legolas wanted Alasse to have EVERYTHING she might want near her. After all she was the daughter of a King and a Prince, she was born to be spoiled.  
  
Legolas picked up a quiet, and bright eyed Alasse who opened her mouth and whispered,  
  
"Mama." "OH MY GOD!" Legolas shrieked. Aragorn turned around to see who was murdering his husband and saw him staring down at his daughter in amazement.  
  
"What is it?"  
  
"Oh my God Aragorn, she said Mama! She said her first word, I can't beli- are you laughing?" Legolas asked, his tone changing faster then Frodo could say Oh Sam.  
  
"Umm..no..."Aragorn answered feeling very small indeed. The mood swings had passed but Legolas was still somewhat sensitive.  
  
"Good because then I would have to kill you, and Alasse would have no father." Legolas said, now turning back to Alasse, "I love you mela." Aragorn saw the lovely scene and began to bawl. Legolas looked taken aback and then joined Aragorn into the hug.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"I know mela, I know." Aragorn put his arm around Legolas and looked adoringly down at his daughter's face.  
  
"I love you too Alasse, and I hope you'll say-"  
  
"Papa." Little Alasse giggled. Aragorn looked at her in shock for a moment then let out a whoop.  
  
"YES! She loves me too. Aragorn is IN the house." Strutted Aragorn. Legolas laughed and looked from his husband to Alasse in his arms. It seemed that life was pretty perfect.  
  
***IT"S OVER! FINALLY.....TIME TO START A NEW FANFIC! I really hope you guyz liked this one....I'm writing another a/l fanfic...hopefully coming out very soon so keep tuned*** 


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